Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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