Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
