4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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