This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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