I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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