I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
