Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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