Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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