I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
