I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
