I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
