i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
