i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
