We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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