Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
