Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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