Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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