walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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