I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
