She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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