He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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