Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
