just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You ate ashes out of my bong
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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