I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
