i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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