I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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