His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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