Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize