Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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