We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
