so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
