Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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