I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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