SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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