if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
