remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
