just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
