accomplished twins. life is a go
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
