Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
