Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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