can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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