you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
