I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize