I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
