i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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