I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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