Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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