just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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