I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
