Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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