I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
