My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
