my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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