just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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