There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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