Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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