The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
