PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
