There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
