I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
