It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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