Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
