On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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