I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My life is pants optional.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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